christmas reflections

Well I finally can write a little more the chemo fog has lifted (only a couple days a week now on the once a week chemo) and feel fortunate to have this season home. I have so much more rest time with my boys, and not doing but being. This is a huge thing for me since I am such a doer, my heart has gone home and I just love my home and my time with my boys and husband just being family. It has truly been a gift. I went to an inner healing councelling appt called sozo (salvation, healing,deliverance) at bethel. I let go a tremendous amount of fear that has been my friend since childbirth, I saw Jesus walk it away from me, and I am not afraid of my future, I am not even afraid of relapse. I believe that I will never go thru cancer again, but I have personally met at my support group and read stories of tens of women who had returning breast cancer over and over and they are still surviving. It is possible, I do not have fear, I have faith for my future. I got this word of significance when I was first diagnosed (I cant belive it has been 6 months today) wow- what a journey, and I truly am living in significance-all survivors are. I went to my first "survivor lunch"it was wonderful, all four of us women, connecting, laughing, crying. What a group I am able to call my own-survivorship , it is such an incredible word. I want to make a dvd for women (and possibly write a survivor book) for women who are young and diagnosed with breast cancer -or any cancer for that matter. The journey thru to the other side-to survivorship-I am almost at the end of this all, and I am so truly greatful , my heart has expanded beyond all limits thru this cancer experience. When I see a newborn baby I am undone, when I see birds flying up above I just cry because of their beauty. I see life so much differently, with more color and richness, more than I ever have, I have peace.

christmas photos

"survivorship"lunch


chemo with Micah

christmas photos

healing rooms

this is healing rooms at bethel that has kept me going thru all this

christmas

chemo christmas eve-well I didnt look forward to it for 3 weeks, and it was the best chemo so far, My chemo friends, Machelle and Lynnie were there and we all did chemo together and held each other, prayed and cried. It was so beautiful, I am so thankful for my sisters, they understand how hard it is to do chemo, it is finally feeling routine (I dont think I like that) and so are the hot flashes each hour (Routine). Well I am so greatful that I am faring well on the outlook of my cancer. Love to all

chemo at christmas

Well I have been puttin off postin this lookin for more pics we took, but anyways, it will be strange doing chemo on Christmas eve, but only 4 more chemos to go-yayayaya, I cant wait, I am so done with chemo. Eric and I went to the cancer support group and cried like babies, I was truly greatful for all the friends I am making in chemo-10 and counting, I would not have met any of these precious sisters if I was not on this journey. My hair is officially growing back!!!I look like an ostridge with feathers. I feel very overwhelmed and emotional doing chemo at christmas ( I think it is the steroids) but I can count the days till it is over, only 8 more sick days. I cant wait to get on with my life and move forward after treatment, what a long year, if someone would have told me last christmas I would be doing chemo next christmas eve I would have never believed them, well 2010 should be much better. I have my 4 wonderful sons as good distractions, growing and changing by the day. Life is very busy,looking forward to this next season in life beyond treatment. Merry christmas to all-Cyndi