Thursday, October 14, 2010

"Jesus Culture" Song through this Journey

You wont relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours
I set you as a seal upon my Heart
And many waters can not quench this thirst
For there is love that is stronger than the grave

This is a Divine Romance
Jesus will not relent until He has more of me,
and I will not relent until I have more of Jesus

Come be the fire inside of me, Come be the flame upon my heart
Until You and I are one.

Worship Song -how God Loves Me

Stir the stagnet waters of my Soul
Merge me with Your River which brings me life
I dont have the words that will provoke You to want me any more than You do
Wont You Come Jesus
Come like You promised , Pour out Your Spirit
Overcome the darkness of my night
Jesus be the strength of my life
Reach in past my hiding, reach beyond my running
Flood my soul with Your Love
You love like a Father, You love like a Brother,
You love like a Lion, fierce like no other.
Violently chase me down to embrase me, Engulf me in who You are.

End Victory Cry to the Cancer Journey

I just wanted to publicly say "Thank you" to the most incredible man in the world.
He selfishly gave up everything this last year.
He gave without thinking of himself, all his days off, all his free time, all his ME time, all his every waking time.
He served me day in and day out.
Everyday he completely took over the home, he did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, while I watched from my sick couch laying.
He changed the 18 month of baby's diaper 10x a day, fed, held him, and mothered him, when his mom was too sick and tired to hold her baby.
He fathered, and mothered the 4 boys in the home, from morning to late at night, holding,talking to them straight in the eyes, loving them, when their mom was sick in bed for 6 months.
He then took care of his best friend, fixing whole meals, when she could only eat teaspoons of food a day, he held her, and gave her the 15 different meds a day, so she would not get violently ill from the deadly toxins the hospital called "Chemo"
He went to 99% of the 100 doctor visits, medical MRI's , 5 surgeries, watching his girl come out of surgery sicker than he had ever seen anyone before.
He went to 20 chemos at the hospital for 7 months
When his love lost her hair, he shaved his head to support her,
He told her everyday how beautiful she was with no hair, when she didn't even feel human.
He cried with her the hundreds of times she cried, as if he were crying for himself.
When she got her diagnosis eh cried out "God give it to ME, not her, I will take it, so she can live, and he really ment it.
He cried himself to sleep night after night, and grieved more than he ever had in his whole life for his bride, who lay at death's door.
He ment it when he said, "IN SICKNESS and IN HEALTH".
in our marraige vows,
He didn't just bolt when the going got tough.
He stood by my side,
He nursed me back to life again.
He held me as I cried myself to sleep night after night.
When I said, "I can not do this, I can not go on in chemo, I can not keep fighting cancer, I have nothing left in me to keep fighting this fight",
When I wanted to give up because I did not have the strength to keep going,
He was my greatest comforter and said, "Yes you can, Yes WE can."
He is my unsung hero of my life, because when I almost died this last year, and I had 10 people a day calling to see how I was doing, and sending me a card, and praying thousands of prayers for God to spare my life,
This hero had few asking , "How are you?", and "How are you standing?", while watching his best friend, closest companion for 25 years, the soulmate and love of his life , vanishing , wasting away before his eyes.
No one could ever understand the depth of my gratitude, I would not have made it without you,
My Eric, My Champion, My Prince Charming
who loved me when I was unlovable, when I had nothing to give back in return,
You kept giving, day after day, month after month, year after year.
To you and my God I owe it all, but in return all you ask is that I jsut be me, and just keep loving you, as you have never stopped loving me.


I spoke at the Vinyard's Annual women's retreat at Shasta Lake in Sept.
It was incredible, I was so glad to share my story of hope and joy with the 40+ women,
when I got home and checked my email, I had another speaking engagement offered to share my journey through breast cancer at my MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group at 1st Nazarene church in Redding. Wow- I didnt even have a chance to journal all I learned from the first one to now another one. Well I assume I will be speaking on this subject for quite a while, when ever the doors open wide, to share the glory and strength of Jesus to carry us through tragedy to the other side. It is October and every where I look I see "Think Pink" for breast cancer awareness month, last year going through chemo at this time, I just wanted to hide from all the cancer stuff everywhere I looked, this year I feel like a celebrity, Like , "Hey , I've been there, I've done that!!" I feel like SUPER WOMAN or WONDER WOMAN, like I did chemo I can do anything!!! I survived CHemo I can survive anything!!! So now I am a living walking testimony of the healing power of Jesus.
It is so hard to describe this last year, I am starting after 16 months starting to feel for the first time in a long time -somewhat NORMAL again, whatever normal is. It is a new normal, coming back from the dead.