Thursday, November 5, 2009
nov 5, morning of 3rd taxol chemo
Well I awoke early and crying as I usually do the morning of all chemos. ( I say I will not do this again but I do-everytime) usually then I go to the prayer chapel across the street to meet with God and His peace that is strong in there. I have felt like recent weeks this cancer has not been much of a spiritual journey but a mental one-reading book after book on cancer and how to survive it. Usually the mornings of is when I hear from God (it is probibly the best time He can speak to me -I am the most vulnerable and open and broken) and I was so encouraged once again this is not about me. I remembered the dream I had to go visit sick kids in the hospital with cancer, and how ruined I would be. I thought it would be along time off, just like everything else in this journey-but it is the opposite. It is more like warp speed, if I have eyes to see it. I will go soon to visit Logan, he is 7 years old in sacramento hospital, he is so sick that they are coaxing him out of bed to get up by a popscicle, he was diagnosed last week with Briketts lymphoma, he is in stage 3 of 3, he is my childrens classmate from school in redding. He is doing chemo for 6 months there in sac. I am broken over Logan, I feel broken inside when I think about this child I know going thru that much pain. This is as real as it gets. I am doing a fund raiser at the school all next week for the family. Then I am remided when I was 20 and went to a conference in Reno, and I recieved a prophetic word how many younger sister's lives I would touch for Jesus. Out of all my 10 chemo friends 99 % are younger than me. They want Jesus, they want prayer, every week at chemo we pray. Some are stage 4 , most are walking down a harder path than me. This ministry , these people, this venue God has placed me in, going to chemo each week, is as real ministry as it gets. These people are desperate for God, when I say do you want to pray they jump out of their seats. They know they wont make it without God. Tomarrow night I will meet with one of my sister's best friends since high school, this woman has been thru alot, she is 35, and she has an untreatable breast cancer. She will do chemo just like me, but after that the docs dont know how to treat her type of cancer. She has a young son. I will hold her and tell her she can make it, she is paralized by fear of the future and chemo. I remember being there and I will just hold her and tell her she will be ok.