Thursday, November 26, 2009

A Thankful Day

Sorry it's been awhile since the last post. I have been wanting to write for some time but always seem to get caught up doing something else or chasing around our increasingly speedy and mischievious 22 month old Jakob. I am pretty sure that my mom is looking down and laughing about it.
I know its not always wise to expose personal feelings on the internet but it seems to be therapuetic for me. The beginning of this month was a real low for me, my mother had passed and Cyndi's treatment and subsequent emotional mood swings were draining me to the point of feeling dead inside. A couple of different thing helped turn the corner for me. The first one was mentioning in an email to one of my coworkers that I was ready for 2009 to be over and that at the time I was hating the year and what it meant in my memory (bad memories). Her reply woke me up, she told me that my family was on the minds and in the prayers of many people and that there was much too much life to live left in the year to write it off. She was right and I hope I thanked her for that (if not thanks L)
The other was being asked by my siblings to emcee my mothers memorial service. Being 9 years younger than my other siblings kind of made me an outsider because they were always older and in different stages of their lives. Their request somehow made me feel validated and honored at the same time. The memorial went great and I almost made it thru a whole paragraph before choking up. I was fine until I looked at my niece who was sobbing then I made the mistake of looking at the rest of my family and the tears flowed. Upon returning home I couldn't believe how exhausted I was, it felt as though I lived an entire life in one weekend. Not only did I experience my memories of childhood, I experienced memories of everyone who was there. I wish my family could get together like that more often but we're just not like that. We were raised to be independent,which is good but it has it's downside as well. It's just the opposite in Cyndis family, everyone's in your business whether you want them there or not. I have learned to love that in her family.
So what am I thankful for? Of course, the enviable beauty of my wife, who can frustrate me to no end and then melt me with a hug. My boys,whose resilience at this time in our lives make me so proud. I am thankful for my family of course. But words cannot ever be good enough to express my deepest gratitude to the friends (who I call framily,friends who are family) and family who have come down into the mud with my family just to support us. Some have freely come to stay at our house to help with whatever is necessary for days and even weeks. They all gave of their precious time to go to chemo,buy groceries,clean the house, provide hugs,take the boys to give them a mini-vacation and to just listen. You are truly special and I will be forever indebitted to you for your kindness.We are taught by God to be thankful for ALL things, not just the good, but ALL things.
So yeah, we have had a rough year,so what. We Love you all

1 comment:

  1. Eric - words can't express it all, although you really do convey so much of your journey. God Bless you, brother. Grace continue to abound for you and for Cyndi. I am thankful for both of you, and to all the framily that takes such good care of you.