Friday, December 25, 2009
Well I finally can write a little more the chemo fog has lifted (only a couple days a week now on the once a week chemo) and feel fortunate to have this season home. I have so much more rest time with my boys, and not doing but being. This is a huge thing for me since I am such a doer, my heart has gone home and I just love my home and my time with my boys and husband just being family. It has truly been a gift. I went to an inner healing councelling appt called sozo (salvation, healing,deliverance) at bethel. I let go a tremendous amount of fear that has been my friend since childbirth, I saw Jesus walk it away from me, and I am not afraid of my future, I am not even afraid of relapse. I believe that I will never go thru cancer again, but I have personally met at my support group and read stories of tens of women who had returning breast cancer over and over and they are still surviving. It is possible, I do not have fear, I have faith for my future. I got this word of significance when I was first diagnosed (I cant belive it has been 6 months today) wow- what a journey, and I truly am living in significance-all survivors are. I went to my first "survivor lunch"it was wonderful, all four of us women, connecting, laughing, crying. What a group I am able to call my own-survivorship , it is such an incredible word. I want to make a dvd for women (and possibly write a survivor book) for women who are young and diagnosed with breast cancer -or any cancer for that matter. The journey thru to the other side-to survivorship-I am almost at the end of this all, and I am so truly greatful , my heart has expanded beyond all limits thru this cancer experience. When I see a newborn baby I am undone, when I see birds flying up above I just cry because of their beauty. I see life so much differently, with more color and richness, more than I ever have, I have peace.