Thursday, September 17, 2009

and then God showed up

wow- i experienced a miracle last weekend, I cant wait to tell you all, it was the biggest spiritual moment of my life. Eric was gone with boys camping, and it started friday night at worship at bethel, I went into the heavenlies with God, and the week before I danced with Jesus on the steps to the throne room to the worship song they were playing called "Song of all Songs" ( by Jesusculture, consumed cd) but on friday night, I just lay on the steps and felt Jesus come and pick me up and hold me and dance with me because I couldnt dance I was too tired from chemo. I heard the heartbeat of God, and I heard it get faster and faster with His love for me. The next day I went to bethel to the Healing Rooms, and got amazing prayer, as I was walking out I heard a woman blowing a shofar. This is a ram's horn, that was blown in the Old Testament, when the armies of Isreal would go out to war against their enemies. They would blow the shofar, and then they would defeat their enemies. Well the woman asked if she could blow it over me, I said yes. She blew it about 5 x over my whole body, it was so loud and powerful, I felt it go thru my whole being, it rattled me to the core, I felt something break in my spirit man. (we all have a body, a spirit and a soul) I felt God's war cry over me, it was so powerful, I have never felt anything so powerful in my life. Then I felt God spoke to me and said, "It is done. It is finished. (meaning the cancer) that I will never have to worry about it again. It is all done., no more cancer. Well then that night I slept and sunday morning I had a dream. In the dream I was at Oprah's house. It was when she was first starting out on t.v. , so I was around 20 years old. I was there with other women who were older, we were selected to come see her house. I was admiring her beautiful home, and we went into a room that was full of pajamas. A woman asked Oprah if she could have one pair that costs $80.00, Oprah said she will think about it. Then that woman and me went into another room, the woman turned to me and said, "You know where Oprah is from dont you? I said no, she said from Etheopia, You know where that is by dont you?She asked. I said no, she said "Africa." We walked into another room, where Oprah was, (we didnt know she was in there) I looked at the woman, and said "It sounds like you have prejudice in your heart." Oprah told the woman to go home, and she told me to write a letter to tell people about prejudice. God gave me a vision, I saw the slave ships coming to America with the black slaves from Africa. I saw how the white Americans viewed their slaves, like a piece of furniture, like nothing, not even human. I saw they would pick a slave from the shack out back and use their body as fuel for the fire to cook their food, and make their clothing. I started weeping, and weeping and woke up crying. My thoughts turned to last week, and me walking around to appts
with no hair. I thought of how people were going to judge me and think I was a lesbian, because of how I looked, and there was nothing I could do about it. Then I started weeping and crying and repenting of how I have judged lesbians, and how the last year I have been asking God to show me how He loves them, that they are His children too. Then my thoughts went to a lifelong dream I have had to go visit children at a cancer ward, and how I could go do that in my 3 week break that is coming up in between chemo rounds. I could go to Oakland's children's oncology ward and just sit with the children, and say, "See, I have cancer too, I am just like you, I look just like you with no hair, and we can be brave together." and how this will just ruin me, and I will be on the floor crying over these precious children who have cancer. And then God spoke, and He said, "Cyndi, this cancer is not about you." I couldn't believe it, the biggest Awakening, the biggest revelation I have had in my whole life, this whole journey I have been on, has not been about me. It has been so that I could love people the way God loves them, I could have compassion for the sick and prejudiced. I could extent love and understand what cancer patients go thru, I went thru the worst, the hardest chemo, my hair falling out, being so sick, so I could experience the heart to love others going thru this also. I feel so different, so free, so over it, so overcoming now, like I can do this. I can go thru this to the other side, and God will use this for good, for me to love others. Last week I was telling Eric, I dont know if I can do this, it is too hard, too painful, I dont know. And now I am excited to see what God has in store for my life, visiting the sick children, going to Africa one day on a missions trip, loving the unlovely and the sick. I am so greatful to my Big God for seeing me thru this and taking me to the other side. Thank you Jesus.

1 comment:

  1. it is encouraging to hear what GOd is doing in you through this, it is a great word that often our trials have nothing to do with us but rather the dreams God has for us and is preparing us for.....This speaks to my heart too you lady keep fighting !!!!